you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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