it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
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You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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