So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
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there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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