New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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