Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
