btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize