i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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