i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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