I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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