mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
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I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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