I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize