I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
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so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I touched a dick in church today
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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