I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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