FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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