You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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