So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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