this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize