I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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