Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize