oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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