I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
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So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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