I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
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I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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