he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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