What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
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My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
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If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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