I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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