when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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