I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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