Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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