note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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