Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In other news, I just burned my penis
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
