i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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