My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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