You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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