we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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