My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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