I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
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Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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