the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize