We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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