Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize