the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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