Non-Jews are for practice
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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