My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
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We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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