I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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