I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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