Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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