she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize