he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
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I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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