I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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