My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
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I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
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I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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