Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
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I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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