i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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